This is a unique guide to coping with challenging people using practical Zen and mindfulness tools. It helps readers explore their reactions, break free from knee-jerk response patterns and see if these people may in fact prove to be useful teachers in life -- troublesome Buddhas.

This is a guide to applying the teachings of mindfulness and Zen to the troublesome or challenging people in our lives. Perhaps you can see there's often a pattern to your behaviour in relation to them and that it often causes pain -- perhaps a great deal of pain. The only way we can grow is by facing this pain, acknowledging how we feel and how we've reacted, and making an intention or commitment to end this repeating pattern of suffering.

In this book, Mark Westmoquette speaks from a place of profound personal experience. A Zen monk, he has endured two life-changing traumas caused by other people: his sexual abuse by his own father; and his stepfather's death and mother's very serious injury in a car crash due to the careless driving of an off-duty policeman. He stresses that by bringing awareness and kindness to these relationships, our initial stance of "I can't stand this person, they need to change" will naturally shift into something much broader and more inclusive. The book makes playful use of Zen koans -- apparently nonsensical phrases or stories -- to help jar us out of habitual ways of perceiving the world and nudge us toward a new perspective of wisdom and compassion.

Zen and the Art of Dealing with Difficult People, Mark Westmoquette, Watkins Publishing, Paperback, 224 pages, $16.95

Mark Westmoquette has a PhD in astrophysics, and is an ordained Zen monk and a yoga and mindfulness teacher. In 2019, he gave up his life of teaching courses and workshops in yoga, mindfulness and Zen to move with his wife to the island of St Helena in the South Atlantic for a two-year adventure that involved writing this book.

CONTENTS: Zen and the Art of Dealing with Difficult People
Foreword by Julian Daizan Skinner		ix
Introduction		1
PART ONE: TROUBLESOME PEOPLE AS OUR TEACHERS		11
1	Mindfulness and attunement	13
2	Dysregulation -- why we lose it with difficult people	17
3	Patterns and tendencies -- coping strategies	31
4	Softening with compassion	47
PART TWO: TROUBLESOME ARENAS		51
5	Fellow-traveler Buddhas	53
6	Workplace Buddhas	61
7	Friend Buddhas	77
8	Neighbour and housemate Buddhas	87
9	Partner Buddhas	101
10	Family Buddhas	109
11	Teacher Buddhas	135
PART THREE: REALLY TROUBLESOME BUDDHAS		149
12	Ogre Buddhas	151
13	Self Buddhas	163
PART FOUR: SEEING TROUBLESOME PEOPLE AS BUDDHAS		171
14	Realizing Buddha-nature	173
15	Finding your sanctuary	181
Summary of approaches we've encountered		187
Endnotes		193
Acknowledgements		197